Kinsmen Summit - Debrief #1 | Sonship + Fully Integrated

Kinsmen Debrief #1 – Learning from Sam Deford on Sonship and Being Fully Integrated

Today I’m starting a series of articles inspired by the 2025 Kinsmen Summit. The speakers and topics were rich, and each one poured into the men who were present in the room. My hope is to distill some of the wisdom that was shared so we can all benefit from the work and preparation of these leaders.

In this first Kinsmen Debrief, we’re featuring learning from Sam Deford—Pastor, Counselor, and Songwriter—on the topic of Sonship and being fully integrated. For more on this topic directly from Sam, you can read his article featured in the Kinsmen Journal:  Sonship — KINSMEN | We curate deep conversations for men. 

Opening Question: What does God think of us?

What does God think of me?

This is a fantastic question and one that has crossed my mind often. In my earlier years, I thought of God’s thoughts in much the same way I imagined the thoughts of men. I believed I had to prove my worth, achieve results, or live up to some ever-moving standard of potential.

Sam posed a second question that struck me deeply, and I’ll rephrase it here:

Will some accomplishment look me in the eye and tell me who I am?

We already know the answer. Of course not.

But culture will promise us that it will. Culture constantly gives us a script to follow and a story to pour our intention and energy into writing. The problem is that culture always overpromises and underdelivers. The good news? God just may want to re-story our lives.

Four Archetypes We Buy Into

Sam highlighted four archetypes—stories that many of us adopt in search of identity, but which ultimately leave us empty. As I listened, I realized which one I tend to live out. See if you recognize yourself in one (or more) of these:

1. The Builder
   We work hard. We build. That’s what we do. Our identity is tied to growth and achievement. We’re always comparing, pushing, and moving the needle just a little farther. But along the way, we often sacrifice people on the altar of productivity. The lie we tell ourselves? We're just hard workers. Hard work is our idol.
    

2. The Manager
   We plan. We budget. We optimize. We’re the rock for our organizations and families, ensuring everything gets done, on time. We handle multiple responsibilities and pride ourselves on being steady. The lie we tell ourselves? We’re in control.
    

3. The Visionary
   We dream. We chase impact. New ideas energize us, and bringing them to life makes us feel alive. Yet the applause fades quickly, and the impact is soon forgotten. The lie we tell ourselves? Fulfillment will come with the next big idea.
    

4. The Adventurer
   We crave escape. We love new experiences and the thrill of the hunt more than tangible results. We believe that adventure keeps us free, but we’re actually chasing an ever-escaping high. The lie we tell ourselves? The next adventure will finally satisfy.

Freedom Through God’s Label

At the Summit, I was shaken when I saw how much of myself—and those close to me—fit into one or more of these categories.

But the good news is this: there is freedom when we turn to the Lord and see how He labels us, not how culture does.

God names me His son. He names you His son or daughter.

God’s greatest desire? To renovate our hearts.

As 1 Samuel 16:7 reminds us: “The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

Fully Integrated Sons and Daughters

So how does this revelation help us in the never-ending swirl of work, family, to-do lists, and ministry? The answer is simple, but not easy: surrendering our hearts to the Lord.

Thriving men and women are people of integrity—those who are fully integrated. Whose inner life and outer life are at peace. Whose heart, mind, ego, ambition, and body are brought under the authority of God, resting in their identity as His children.

Jesus once said to the Pharisees in Matthew 23:25–26:
“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and of the dish, but inside they are full of robbery and self-indulgence. You blind Pharisee, first clean the inside of the cup and of the dish, so that the outside of it may become clean also.”

We must first surrender our hearts, becoming truly comfortable in our title as God’s child. As children, we don’t present a false self to the world. We are free to use our gifts as He calls, and our output, organization, ideas, and risks are surrendered to the One who calls us son and daughter.

Closing Prayer

So today, let those of us who are seeking pray for a holy disruption—that God would put our whole selves together, our lives in proper order, and our hearts fully at rest in Him.

-Mark

Don’t Judge a Book…

Too many times in life, I’ve learned the lesson: don’t judge a book by its cover. But recently, I unlocked a deeper way of seeing both people and situations by tweaking that old saying just a bit.

Don’t judge a book by its cover. Judge it by its author.

Let’s break that down.

When we read a book, what gives it true power isn’t the design on the outside—it’s the intent, message, and experience embedded in its pages by the author. The same is true with people. We are physical beings, yes, but we do not author ourselves.

God does.

It’s God who places the potential and purpose inside every life, regardless of the packaging. And this isn’t just an idea...it’s truth, backed by His Word.

“But the LORD said to Samuel, ‘Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.’”
— 1 Samuel 16:7 

Wow. That hits.

When I think about my favorite books, I rarely remember whether they were hardcover or paperback, or what font was used. What I remember is the author. How they told the story, the emotion they captured, the way their words moved me. I follow my favorite authors. I look forward to what they’ll release next.

What if I applied the same method to how I see people?

What if I studied those around me? Not for their surface, but to understand their potential and discover what their Author is writing through them?

God is constantly at work—always telling new stories, always shaping hearts. He sees beyond the exterior and focuses on what’s within. We should too.

Lately, I’ve encountered some people who, at first glance, may not seem impressive. But I can feel something stirring. I see God beginning to work in their hearts, shifting their story and growing their influence. The world may not notice yet....but God does.

So today, if you catch yourself judging someone based on their "cover," take a step back. Consider the Author.

When it comes to people, God is the Author of life. He’s got something beautiful to say if we’re willing to turn the pages and look inside.

-Mark

Here’s to the Uncommon Ones

Uncommon Missions

I love when I see someone pursuing a big mission or dream. There’s something about it that transcends the norm—especially when it comes at a cost. These are the people who truly inspire us, the ones we remember long after they’re gone.

Most missions today have become common. Especially in the business world, they tend to follow the same pattern. Something like:

“We strive for excellence in xyz. We aim to leave a legacy in our community of excellence and service doing xyz. Our mission is to be an excellent provider of xyz for years to come, making an impact for those we serve.”

You get the point.

At their core, most missions are about doing more of what we do, for as long as we can do it, and for as many people as we can reach. That’s not all bad—it’s just common.

Uncommon missions, on the other hand, fulfill those same goals but also aim to bring something bigger into the space they occupy. Their impact goes beyond the product or service, and into the hearts of people. They stir something. They challenge norms. They advance some kind of meaningful change.

And often? It costs those pursuing it.

But for the few people it truly impacts, it could mean the world.

A Biblical Example: John the Baptist – Living in the Wilderness

Mission: Prepare the way for the Messiah by preaching repentance in the desert.

Why it was uncommon:
John lived off locusts and wild honey, wore camel hair, and preached truth boldly to religious elites. There were already plenty of preachers and scholars—probably some who knew the scriptures better than John.

But John wasn’t called to plant a synagogue or teach weekly Torah studies. His mission was prophetic: to prepare hearts, challenge expectations, and stir anticipation for something far greater than himself.

That kind of mission doesn’t come without a cost. Social isolation, harsh living conditions, and eventually—his life.
Can you imagine eating bugs for the sake of your calling?

Praise God most of us aren’t called to that. But we are called to something.

Quick Mission Check

I personally love examining mission statements. And I’ve boiled it down to a simple exercise you can use to check if your mission is truly uncommon:

Ask yourself two questions:

1. Who gets the glory if this mission succeeds?

2. Who does our mission ultimately serve if we win?

If either answer points inward—to you, your company, or your own gain—then it’s likely a common mission. Again, there’s nothing wrong with profitability or building a great team culture. Companies need to win.

But if the only reason your mission exists is to make money and keep going, eventually things grow stale. Culture fades. Purpose drifts.

If your answers are outward—glory and service go to others (or better yet, to God)—then you’re likely onto something uncommon.

Let’s Be Uncommon This Week

Let’s pursue purpose that stretches beyond ourselves. Let’s step into missions that inspire, challenge, and maybe even cost us something. Because that’s where the true impact is found.

Here’s to the uncommon ones.

-Mark

Wearing Hats That Fit

Some people call it "wearing a lot of hats." It’s a common phrase, especially when you're involved in a mix of work, relationships, and community efforts. But this week, as I reflected on the range of roles I stepped into, it hit me: it’s not just about wearing many hats—it’s about wearing hats that fit.

Early in the week, we kicked off Q2 with our mortgage team. Big goals ahead after a strong Q1, and the energy was awesome. Midweek, I found myself deep in business and nonprofit conversations Just doing the normal work of the week. And then last night, I stood in worship, present and humbled, as we consecrated our church's new location. What a night. What an honor.

And somewhere in between all that? I rolled up my sleeves to help push a brick-and-mortar business through the final stretch before its public launch. From spreadsheets to sacred space, from renovations to revelation. It was a fun week.

But here's the thing: when we aim to honor God and live a life of impact, there’s no shortage of ways He’ll use us. Remember the kind of people He's looking for. He’s looking for willing ones. The key isn’t doing everything—it’s doing what He’s called you to, in the moment He’s called you to it.

Let’s look at a few examples of "hat-wearers" in Scripture:

David
Shepherd → Musician → Giant-slayer → Fugitive → Warrior → King → Psalmist

• Started as a humble shepherd boy

• Became Saul’s musician and armor-bearer

• Defeated Goliath (1 Samuel 17)

• Fled from Saul as a fugitive

• Rose as a mighty warrior and commander

• Crowned King of Israel

• Wrote much of the Psalms 

Paul (formerly Saul of Tarsus)
Pharisee → Persecutor → Missionary → Tentmaker → Author → Pastor → Prisoner

• Zealous Pharisee who persecuted Christians

• Radically transformed on the road to Damascus (Acts 9)

• Became a missionary to the Gentiles

• Supported himself as a tentmaker (Acts 18:3)

• Wrote much of the New Testament

• Shepherded churches and mentored leaders

• Spent his final years in chains—for the Gospel

Deborah
Judge → Prophetess → Military Leader → Mother in Israel

• One of the few female judges (Judges 4–5)

• Spoke God’s word as a prophetess

• Accompanied Barak into battle

• Called a “mother in Israel” (Judges 5:7)

Wearing a lot of hats is often talked about as exhausting—or something to avoid. But wearing hats that fit? Now that’s something different.

God gives each of us unique gifts, strengths, and assignments. And when we walk closely with Him, we learn to recognize which hat to wear in each season—or each day.

My hope is that as you reflect on your own week, you’ll recognize how God is moving in your life, through your work, your relationships, and your faith. May your hats fit well, and may your purpose be clear.

Prayers and blessings to each of you this Friday.

-Mark

The Sands Will Shift: Are You Built on the Rock?

The Moments That Test Us: Are You Built on the Rock?

Life has a way of throwing unexpected challenges our way. Recently, a dear friend of mine experienced this firsthand. Without warning, he received a call from his boss and was let go from a job he believed was secure. While the personal details of his situation remain private, this moment was a fast reminder of how quickly life can change.

These moments truly test us—whether we are believers in Christ or not. Unexpected difficulties have a way of exposing our weak spots unlike anything else. After the initial shock wears off, many of us find our greatest fear isn’t just the change itself, but what others will think of us because of it. Our reputations, our sense of identity, and our thoughts about the future are often based on false truths—things that can be stripped away in an instant.

This is why it is so crucial to build our identity on something firm, something that no person, scenario, market shift, or social structure can take away. Jesus speaks to this in Matthew 7:24-27:

“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

The Wise Builder

This man builds his house on a solid rock foundation. When the rain falls, the floods rise, and the winds blow, the house stands firm because it is built on a strong, stable base.

The Foolish Builder

This man builds his house on sand. When the storms come, the house collapses because the foundation is weak and unstable.

The Lesson for Us

The rock represents those who hear Jesus’ words and put them into practice. Their faith is strong, allowing them to withstand life’s trials. The sand represents those who hear but do not obey. Their faith is weak, and when difficulties arise, they fall apart.

Jesus is teaching us that our lives must be built on Him—His words, His truth, and obedience to His teachings. When life’s storms hit—whether in the form of job loss, unexpected loss, or relational struggles—only those with a strong foundation in Christ will stand firm.  We must remember that who we are in Christ is bigger than what happens around us. This realization helps us navigate shifting circumstances because our rooted reality remains unchanged, no matter what we cannot control.

This weekend, take some time to reflect. If an unexpected hardship were to strike—whether a job loss, the loss of a loved one, or a broken relationship—would your house be built on the rock, or would the shifting sand cause you to crumble?

It’s not an easy question to answer, but preparation starts now. Build your identity on Christ today, so when the world shakes beneath you, your foundation remains unshaken.

-Mark

Identity Crisis: Who am I?

The Foundation of Everything: Understanding Identity

Identity is the foundation of everything we do in this life. Knowing who we truly are is a pursuit that seems simple on the surface but is difficult to tackle in reality. When someone asks, "Tell me a little about yourself," the most common answers revolve around what we do for a living, where we grew up, what school we attended, and maybe a few hobbies. While these responses work in social settings, they often feel inadequate when we reflect deeply on our identity during quiet moments alone.

Am I just a sum of my Ohio State diploma, a mortgage industry career, and an after-hours gym routine following my kids' activities? I don’t think so. Through my involvement in various leadership groups, I’ve been challenged to look beyond surface-level identifiers and ask deeper questions about my true identity. One unique exercise has been crafting seven "I am" statements—writing out words or phrases that genuinely define who I am at my core.

For those struggling to identify their "I am" statements, practical tools like strengths finder assessments or spiritual gifts tests (links below article) can help. However, for the most profound insight, I have found it helpful to reflect on the seven "I am" statements Jesus made about Himself in the Gospel of John:

• I am the bread of life (John 6:35)

• I am the light of the world (John 8:12)

• I am the gate (John 10:7)

• I am the good shepherd (John 10:11, 14)

• I am the resurrection and the life (John 11:25)

• I am the way and the truth and the life (John 14:6)

• I am the true vine (John 15:1)

What stands out in these statements is that Jesus never defined Himself by His profession, hometown, or personal interests. He didn’t say, "I am a carpenter," "I am from Nazareth," or "I am friendly." His identity was rooted in something much greater.

Similarly, what we do, where we come from, and our affiliations are not the essence of who we are. We were made on purpose—unique, valuable, and equipped with strengths meant to serve others and glorify God. It’s important to take a moment, breathe, and contemplate the deeper question: Who am I?

-Mark

LINKS: 

STRENGTHS FINDER FOR $19.99 - https://store.gallup.com/p/en-us/10108/cliftonstrengths-top-5?c=1

SPIRITUAL GIFTS TEST FOR FREE -  Spiritual Gifts Test - Discover your spiritual gifts!